I’m working on a rudimentary theory that if you take something that is either boring or upsetting and add baked goods it becomes better. My case:
Stress sucks. But stress-baking? Awesome.
Sleep-walking is annoying. Sleep-baking? Awesome.
Class is lame. Baking class? Awesome.
Birthdays are fun. Birthday cake? Awesome.
Walking is boring. Cake walk? Awesome.
Cups are lame. Cupcakes? Awesome.
Pans are useful. Pancakes? Awesome.
Fights are hurtful. Cake fights? Awesome.
Milk is okay. Milk and cookies? Awesome.
Cookies are nice. Cookie cakes? Awesome.
Funerals are sad. Funeral cakes? Okay, my theory might end here.
Or does it?
“sPEEkeasy”
The Inspiration:
No one likes portable toilets. They are a necessary evil – especially when you’ve just downed a 24 oz. Diet Coke in the middle of a packed city festival. Why are they so gross??? Despite the fact that you are essentially sitting on an open septic tank, portable toilets are just downright dirty. I can always count on the inside being humid, hot, and a complete mess. Who are the people who decide to moisten the walls? Who is the guy that thought toilet paper made good carpet? These are some of life’s unanswered questions. However, no matter how hard we try to “hold it, we couldn’t live without these public outhouses.
The Invention:
So, how can we make portable toilets more desirable, bearable, and – dare I say – sought after? That’s easy – make it a speakeasy. Speakeasys were all the rage during Prohibition and are making a comeback today. So why not spread this concept to the porta-potty?
These exclusive water closets could be scattered throughout the grounds … To enter, you must know the password. To get the password, just download the mobile app. You must fill out an online questionnaire (for research purposes) and sign a statement saying that you promise to keep the speakeasy as clean as possible. Then, you become one of the “bathroom elite.” (Who knows? You could even “get in line” online when you’re on the other side of the event.) In order to access the facility, simply hold your mobile phone to the door and press the button on the screen. After you do your business, you can rate your experience. Most importantly, if the person before you left the place a mess, their membership will be revoked. Exclusivity saved for the social responsible.
Porta-potties are never going to go away – but we can at least begin to take responsibility for their presence in our community or at communal events. And maybe, we’ll stop dreading them so much.
I write a lot of poetry,
That nobody will ever see,
Because a little part of me,
Is afraid they’ll say it sucks.
I may not think the way you do,
Or share a similar world view,
I suck at basic social cues,
But I’m a person, too.
I may not laugh out loud at jokes,
Or be a fan of cooked egg yolks,
I am obsessed with Diet Cokes,
But I’m a person, too.
I may not always sing on key,
Or like to go on shopping sprees,
I might be terrified of bees,
But I’m a person, too.
I may not always keep my cool,
Or say I’ve ever “hated” school,
And every time I sleep, I drool,
But I’m a person, too.
I may not have the perfect smile,
Or have the most impressive style,
I would not walk 500 miles,
But I’m a person, too.
I may not be the type to cry,
Or one to look you in the eyes,
Emotions tend to make me shy,
But I’m a person, too.
I may over-think a lot,
And question everything I’ve got,
But whether you like it or not,
I’m still a person, too.
Are you?
Haley Robinson 