I’m Not Nice

christianity

Sometimes I feel like people think I’m far nicer than I really am. And that concerns me. Because I live with myself every second of every day and I can tell you with complete assurance that I am most certainly not a nice person.

I know you’re probably thinking, “she’s being over critical” or “anyone could say the same thing.” But I’m serious. I’m not a nice person. If I could connect a loud-speaker to the part of my brain that produces thought and blast my thoughts out to the world, you would see how not nice I am.

Now, I’m not denying that everyone thinks mean thoughts at some point. What I’m saying is I don’t think people realize how much I have to filter myself on a regular basis in order not to come off as a judgmental jerk.

I just don’t want people thinking that I’m this super sweet person when I’m not. Or that I’m some goodie-two-shoes with nothing bad to say about anyone. Because that’s not true. At any given moment I can present to you a list of 10 things I don’t like about a person – and that’s before I have time to really think about it.

My complete understanding of the brokeness of my innermost character is what enables me to fully embrace the Christian faith. If an Intelligent Creator exists, I know that I have failed Him. And I continue to fail Him every day. Because with every positive step forward in my journey of humanity, I end up taking a giant leap backwards as my faulty nature takes control again. If He requires penitence and reparation, I will never redeem myself on my own. I can’t. That is why I thank God every moment of every day for sending His son to die in my place.

So, every day when I catch myself in a moment of weakness, when my sinful nature is fully exposed to me and I realize how much of a not-nice person I am, I step back and thank God that I’m not in charge of my own salvation. In spite of myself, I have been redeemed. That’s Grace. And it’s something worth believing.

Bob The Musical: The Complete Collection

Videos

I’ve always had a hard time remembering people’s birthdays. My senior year of high school, I forgot my good friend Bob’s birthday and I never forgave myself. Thus, I promised myself not only to remember his birthday from then on, but to make it memorable. My sister joined me in my endeavor and, our freshman year of college, we made Bob: The Musical. And we never looked back.

What started out as a funny way to say “Happy Birthday” during our long-distance friendship, became something that we looked forward to. And, unknown to us, something a lot of people looked forward too. This past January at Bob’s wedding, tons of people kept coming up to my sister and I asking if we were the “twins from YouTube.” Apparently, these videos were entertaining more than our Bobby. And that makes me smile.

Below I’ve provided a playlist for the entire collection of Bob The Musicals. Enjoy!

The Little Things

Everyday, Lists

This is for the little things.

Thank you, random lady, who said my skirt was cute.

Thank you, man, in the grocery line for saying I am pretty.

Thank you, little girl, for wanting to hold my hand.

Thank you, friend, for giving me a pat on the back.

Thank you, cat, for greeting me at the door.

Thank you, friend, for telling me that you missed me.

Thank you, ma’am, for saying you like my style.

Thank you, sir, for holding the door open for me.

Thank you, friend, for actually being interested in my stories.

Thank you, kid, for asking me how my day was.

Thank you, guy, for not thinking I am too weird.

Thank you, gal, for saying you look forward to my doodles.

Thank you, miss, for telling me you love my hair.

Thank you, friend, for looking me in the eyes.

Thank you, boy, for always sitting next to me.

Thank you, man, for not charging me for my soda.

Thank you, lady, for giving me a hug.

Thank you, friend, for saying you care. And really meaning it.

Thank you, for reading this.

Friends Happen.

Everyday, Ponderings

It always amazes me how one meets friends. Sometimes you know the instant you meet that you’ll be thick as thieves. Others times, you’re laughing milk out your noses together and you stop and you think, “I think we’re friends now.” Most times, it just happens. There’s no transition, no growth stage, no schedule. You’re friends and that’s all you need to know.

People say you can’t pick your friends and that’s only partly true. I’ve made a lot of new friends over the past six months. Some, I sought out. Others practically knocked down my door. I think that friendship is a desire to walk through life with someone. You don’t have to have everything in common. You don’t have to be from the same background. You don’t even have to like the same things. You must simply both have the shared desire to help each other grow into better people. And the willingness to get dragged through mud together. Thick, sticky, warm mud.

In the end, God made us to be in community with other people. And this was a lesson that was hard for me to learn. My nature is to hide up in my tower and close myself off to the world. Partly because I don’t like to be vulnerable, but mostly because it’s just easier to be alone. I used to think that I could do it all by myself. I had friends, of course, but I saw them as accessories, like something you were supposed to have. Now I know that they are something we, as humans, need.

Throughout my life, I’ve had friends come and go. There have been fights and misunderstandings and laughs and embarrassing homemade videos. Although some friendships ended in heartbreak and despair, I choose to believe that I’ve learned something from every one of them, whether that be about relationships in general or about myself. Really, I think friendships, true friendships, are God’s way of showing us glimpses of himself.