Exhaustion is a funny thing. You’d think if we were so evolutionarily advanced we’d have developed a way to get more done on less sleep. Instead, we have caffeine and sheer motivation. And I have the motivation of an achiever who hates to sit still. Apparently even my willpower has an expiration date.
Despite my efforts to keep going, I got sick last week for the first time since, well, since I can remember. It was the first time I have ever missed a day of work/school because of illness – ever. Aside from a runny nose and body aches, most of my sick day was spent sleeping. Except to get food and go to the bathroom, I was in my bed from 3 p.m. Wednesday to 5:30 a.m. Friday – and that is a huge deal for someone who has had some form of insomnia since middle school. As the cliché “sickly girl,” this type of sick was new. It took a good friend of mine all of two seconds to diagnose me: “Haley, you’re probably exhausted.” And I knew he was right.
Three days later and I still feel like I’m running at 50% capacity. I’ve been tired before (I have insomnia, remember?), but this is a whole new level of tired. It’s not the heavy-eyelids, limp-limbs, zombie-feeling that I’m used to. No, I’m physically fine. It’s my will that’s exhausted. The little voice inside that always says, “keep moving,” has dropped to a whisper. And I just want to do nothing for a long time.