I came across this wonderful product at the market today sandwiched next to the granola bars and eco-friendly trail mix (no, I was not at your local hipster grocery store). There are several things that are wrong about this product, mainly that I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do with it. Am I supposed to eat it or take it out for coffee? The small print says it is comprised of a “quartet of flakes, blossoms, granola, & raisins cereal”. It sounds like a hip new group of gals pals to me. I wish my friends and I had cool names like that (Side note: the coolest names tend to be things that can hurt/kill you, i.e., Hawthorn, Juniper, Ivy… why is that?).
Anyway, if I was lucky to have such awesome (and strangely identical) besties and I decided to have them over for breakfast, I feel like our morning conversation would go something like this:
Me: Good morning everyone, how are you all this fabulous morning?
Blossom: I had an awesome dream last night that I was swimming in a milk bath. And you were there. And Raisin was there…
Flake: Was there a spoon involved? Because that sounds like a nightmare to me.
Granola: Don’t be such a flake, Flake.
Flake: Are you being for cereal right now?
Me: Stop talking! I can’t focus on eating your deliciousness.
Raisin: Guys, can’t we all just get along?
Everyone: Shut up, Raisin!
So what does this cereal consider the main ingredients of a best friend? The box says that “good friends” boast the following:
- Good Source of Whole Grains
- High Fiber 8g
- Low Fat
- Low Sodium
So we’re talking about a skinny health-nut who has an amazing gastrointestinal tract? Sounds to me like that really obnoxious, uptight friend that everyone has. You know, the one that you always make fun of but always go to when you need advice. The one that you ask when you really want to know if a dress looks good on you or if your new haircut looks awful. The one that has alway got your back and will be there no matter what. The one that you trust your life with, who will be the maid of honor at your wedding, who you want to become little old ladies with. The one that is good for you. That’s the key to a well-balanced friendship.
Unless this box holds within its cardboard walls the things that truly make friendships great–the random movie sing-alongs, the late-night phone calls, the laugh-’til-you-cry moments, and the times when you cry until you can’t anymore–then I question the cereal’s authenticity. Could you ever really put good friends in a box? I’d much rather have them by my side.