Under Lock and Key



Okay. So I know that almost everyone on the planet has been made aware of the mysterious and vast Disney Vault. What I want to know is whether or not it really exists. All I know is that every three years or so Disney announces that they just so happen to be taking that one Disney movie you want to rent/buy off the shelves and are putting it in the vault for as long as it takes to drive you crazy -this has happened to me on numerous occasions, for Mulan, Hercules, Little Mermaid… Then miraculously, after you have finally forgotten about your Disney deprivation (and believe me I have waited the 2-3 years rather impatiently, almost resorting to scouring E-Bay listings of outdated Disney VHS tapes) only to discover that although the color may be better and it may be in HD, your favorite classic has been “improved” with new songs that you never wanted to hear, DVD games that you have no time to play, original trailers that you have already seen, and about ten dollars added to the price tag.

Through intense analysis of each time a movie gets put in and taken out of the vault, I have discovered (as I’m sure that everyone has) that it is merely a hoax to get you to buy the movie BEFORE it goes away (so that you won’t miss it during it’s three year hiatus) and then trick you into buying it AGAIN once it comes out all shiny and new. Clever. Very clever. I just want to know where this elusive vault is hidden… and how intense the security is there… and how they can fit an entire re-mastering digital team inside but only one VHS tape at a time…

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